Pretentious, Self-Righteous Essays

In my third year of working in an office environment, I had a disagreement with a colleague at a staff meeting.  It was one of the final meetings prior to the biggest event that we used to run in that company.  Here was the situation: we had a team contact us about registering late.  I, as the Office Manager, said ‘no’ to letting them in.  The event was sold out, registration had been open for half a year, and admitting them at that point in time would have required changing all of the plans that had already been made.  Game schedules would have had to be redone (registered teams approached a total of 2000), supplies, and accommodations  – in general – would cumulatively amount to [imho] more work than the money from their registration fee would have afforded us.  Our Marketing Manager strongly disagreed, stating that the effort would not only make the team (who may potentially be well-connected) happy, it would make us look good.  Needless to say, at the time I disagreed that we’d look “good” by breaking our rules for one team.  Well, long story short: we let the team in.  They were ecstatic.  The event went off seamlessly.  I got OT pay.  Everyone was happy.

The other day, we reached an application deadline.  There were postings, and there were applicants to these postings.  The deadline was for the applications to postings.  The day following this deadline, someone sent me a .. posting! I panicked and tried to think of ways of accommodating this late posting.  I thought perhaps of emailing his posting to all applicants to see if any of them were interested.  I even thought of extending the deadline so as to give this posting a chance at getting a great applicant.  I looked to the person running this posting/application process, and her advice was to keep our deadlines such as they are, and just let the poster know and find another reasonable solution. I would have killed myself to ensure that I accommodated this late request, but I was advised not to.  I feel badly about not going out of my way, but I am aware that it wasn’t necessary and that it was perfectly fair and fine to follow the deadlines such as they were laid out.

I have this strange feeling that the former experience shaped my inclinations for all future ones.  I suppose I could call it a “Customer-Service Oriented” attitude.  Does this make me understanding? a push-over? a good employee? or none of the above. Whatever the answer is, looking back, I know who I blame for the change.

It’s hard to pinpoint the moment that we get trapped in a rut, but today I feel inclined to blame long-term goals and detailed planning.  At some point, the day-to-day (i.e. minor details that are often overlooked when aiming for your goal) becomes so monotonous that it slowly sucks the life out of you.  Or rather, it slowly had sucked the life out of you, and before you even knew it, you were dead – but a brainless zombie making your way about.  And where once a task was a tiny step that brought you closer to your goal, it became the bane of your existence.

The first real high school event I ever sang at was the Christmas Concert when I was in the twelfth grade.  I sang an a Capella rendition of Boyz II Men’s  Let It Snow (ft Brian McKnight).  There were lights, cameras, and a full audience that listened intently and applauded loudly.  The experience was intoxicating.

I still remember auditioning for this event.  After having been called “too operatic sounding” in my then-most recent audition, I was really nervous as I walked into a room to sing for the Principal and the Chemistry teacher.  They were, after all, tremendously talented singers, themselves.  But I did it.  And I got the ‘ok’ to perform in the show.

I was so excited and nervous that all I did was rehearse.  The trouble was that I had an English paper due on the same day as the performance.  My choice was clear when I performed preparedly, and afterward asked my teacher for an extension.

This is the first memory I have of failing to meet a deadline.  I risked my average for a performance.  I was lucky that time because my teacher enjoyed my performance and she gave me the extension without penalty.  She said she understood.  I felt guilty at the time for asking for and accepting her mercy, thinking I deserved the consequence of a penalty for the late submission.  I had this crazy idea instilled in me that the “real world” (i.e. life after high school) wouldn’t afford me such leniency, and that I shouldn’t get used to it.

I’ve found that high school, through its [seemingly] arbitrary rules, deadlines, and punishment, gives us a false impression of life afterward.  There is perhaps utility in their enforcement, especially on impressionable youth and adolescents.  However, the truth is, it’s only ever become increasingly clear to me how institutions are all run by people, and all people have the potential to be very understanding…

Nothing still quite comes close to Pandora.  I still remember the day I tried to login, and all I got was a message saying that it was no longer available to non-U.S. residents.  Anyway, there have been others, such as Grooveshark, but none of them are able to recommend artists and songs based on more than just genre.  Pandora looked at vocal styles, lyrical content, instrumentation… Every recommendation was surprisingly good.  (The key word here is “surprising”.)

Anyway, Youtube has just launched “Disco”.  It doesn’t quite list all of musical elements of each song the way Pandora did, but it does let you do things that others didn’t:

1. Watch the music videos.

2. Replay any song any number of times, as desired.

For these two reasons alone, so far, it wins.

I was always a hopeless romantic, and I would always let my heart dictate what I did.  But this isn’t a good strategy. It teaches us to betray convictions, and breeds resentment.

I’ve been focusing my energy on finding the perfect balance between being easy-going, open-minded, and having a ‘take no shit’ attitude. That is, I have to defend myself (so as to never become bitter), but also know when to step down (so as to be fair).  I have to be ready for life as it comes (and be easy-going), and not reject it when it’s not what I hoped it would be (because it’s so easy to be hard on people for not giving you what you wanted from them).

It’s the only way to go forward that makes sense to me.  But it’s hard.  Sometimes I don’t know if I’m being unfair when I’m defending myself, or letting people walk all over me when I don’t.