It’s that time of year when apparitions make appearances, and I’m reminded of things and people that I’ve nearly forgotten. ..well, seemingly forgotten. Perhaps, I never really did forget. I remember far more than I let on…
This isn’t to say that I hold any grudges, because that is far from the truth. I just .. remember.
But through light-hearted, unguided chit-chat, my mind aimlessly stumbled upon vague recollections of things and times past. Things and times that – dare I say it? - I had nearly forgotten! There were fond memories of moments that I’ve long since put out of my mind. And that’s a shame if for no other reason than because they really were happy times. (If there’s anything I gain from my sudden recollections, it’s that for years I’d been telling myself quite the simplified version of my life.)
For too long have I been looking at my life with tunnel-vision. But at least now I am realizing (or rather recollecting) that it was far more complex than I have given myself credit for. The actual chronology of my life tells a different story than the one I’ve been telling myself … and others, for that matter.
There were people. Lots of them. There were things that happened. Lots of those, too. And I’ve accumulated a colourful collection of tales worth remembering.
I am who I am, and every day I remember that ever more.
I don’t like good-byes, but I wish you well.
The time came for me to rise above it all.
I stopped trying to explain how it was that I was reacting to something someone else did.
It didn’t matter.
Even if I could convince anyone of their role in my actions, it wouldn’t have changed anything.
It didn’t matter how anyone provoked or incited me.
It didn’t matter who was to blame.
I think it’s about .. forgiveness .. even if ..
All that mattered was that I could face the truth afterwards -
Uncloaked and undistorted unwaveringly.
That I could look at everything that happened with no inclinations to omit anything.
No shame, no fear, no self-loathing.
No regrets, even if there were disappointments.
With open eyes and an open mind, I needed to accept it -
Not out of tiredness or frustration; neither from pressure nor indifference -
This is my life:
Coloured by people ,
Enriched through wisdom,
Tempered by experience.
That I was finally able to not only move on,
But more importantly,
To move foreward.
..
Merry Christmas, everyone! Good luck in 2012
Good things come to those who .. ask.
Practice makes better.
Sometimes you have to ask for what you deserve. Other times, you have to fight.